


I Don't Condom This

by Canadian_BuckBeaver



Series: Reader Inserts [12]
Category: Fellswap - Fandom, Undertail - Fandom, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Age of Consent, Bad Puns, Butter, Condoms, FS!Papyrus - Freeform, Fellswap Papyrus - Freeform, Fluffy Ending, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Grocery Shopping, Grocery Store, No Smut, Other, Papyrus-centric, Reader Is Not Chara, Reader Is Not Frisk, Reader-Insert, Suggestive Themes, Undertail, Undertale Monsters on the Surface, University, sfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-29 17:50:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13932183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canadian_BuckBeaver/pseuds/Canadian_BuckBeaver
Summary: You’re one of the cashiers at a grocery store that the newly released monsters of FellSwap like to visit.  You’ve gotten used to all sorts of visitors, but, every so often, they still manage to surprise you…





	I Don't Condom This

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Artemis20025](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis20025/gifts).



> Based off an actual conversation with @babypizzawonderland

The world was a wild and amazing place now that monsters were released from their prison in the long-fabled Underground. Once only found between the pages of a book, or on the screen of a movie or TV, now since the child released them from the Underground, they were everywhere. They seemed to frequent your town especially with it being at the foot of the mountain where they were once imprisoned. It was not uncommon to turn the corner of the local pet shop and see a dog monsters oohing and aaahing over the puppies that were for sale, or even see an outgoing, if heavily scarred, yellow lizard and shy blue fish monster poking through the second-hand bookstore. They had excellent taste in manga and anime.

You had long since got over your shock of seeing this unusual clientele at the grocery store that you worked at. There was still a few of your coworkers refused to serve them, turning their noses up at them and telling them to go back to the Underground where they belonged. But they were very careful not to say such words in front of the boss. Money was money and gold was gold, and it all spent the same in his eyes. You had no such “racist” qualms about these monsters. They were fairly friendly and each fantastic. Each one was unique and wonderfully different in their own way and made your job way more interesting.

Well, just take today for instance. There was a talking snowman who had gotten stuck in the freezer at work. His little sticks banged on the glass doors, his charcoal eyes peering out at everyone who passed by. Many had thought him just a decoration but… he was grateful for when you had helped him out, tipping his hat to you in a jaunty manner before waddling off.

You were rather grateful for them. They made each day unique and different, much better than any desk job.

After rescuing the snowman you were called to the front of the store to cover one of your co-worker’s breaks. Stepping behind the register to relieve them, you tapped in your password and flicked on your light, prepared to summon the hoard of shoppers. There was only one.

It was a tall and lean skeletal monster to your fascination, his skull poking out from under the fur hood of his jacket. He must have been close to seven, possibly eight feet tall, with dark amber eyes that stared heavily at you. As he placed his few purchases down you looked at him more intently. What bones were visible were cracked and looked slightly unstable, in terrible condition. His (you were getting some distinctly masculine vibes off of him) fingers had been sharpened, naturally or artificially you couldn’t tell, into long claws. And when he looked back up at you, a lollipop was settled between two gold fangs, the rest of teeth sharpened as well. Whatever nature had originally designed him for, it was easy to see him as a killing machine. A top predator perhaps.

So cool…

He coughed slightly at your staring, causing you to jolt back into reality. “Oh! Sorry!” you exclaim, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. “Biology major, interesting to see you move without the tendons or muscles that we would need.” You explain quickly, hitting your button to move the covey belt.

The skeleton relaxed a minute amount, a heavy sigh through his teeth. “Well, feel free to look all you want, darling,” he said. You jolted slightly at that raspy voice. A skeleton, in addition to moving without muscles or difficulty, was also able to speak? Darwin and the rest of the scientists had a lot of explaining to do.

“So a biology major? What’s your minor?” he asked, making the normal small talk as his items slowly made their way to you.

You smiled as you prepared his bag. “Art. I know it is a weird combination but it is just something that I enjoyed doing since I was younger.”

Another smile, much like you had passed some sort of test. “Well if that is something that you like to do, you should do it, and never mind what the others say.” The skeleton looked around quickly before bending slightly to you. “If you ever need a… model, I’ll be more than happy to volunteer.” He said with a slight wink.

Ok. Your face was positively burning now if they heat on your face was anything to judge by and this skeleton’s amused smile. You let out some sort of squeak and looked at his two items. When they registered in your mind what they were, you couldn’t help but snort. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think your agenda is already full.” You said, gesturing to the butter and condoms that had finally made their way to you.

Now it was his face to blush, his cheeks turning the same colour as his eyes as he began to laugh. His laugh was deep and throaty, much like his voice. You finished scanning his items as he began to calm, wiping at his eye sockets. “I swear those aren’t for me,” he said as you scanned the condoms, “my brother asked me to pick them up when he realized that we were out of butter. But now I’m definitely glad that I wasn’t able to get the mayonnaise that he wanted.”

You couldn’t help the snorting laugh as he paid and handed him his bag. “I am not going to be able to get that image out of my head for the rest of the day.” you fake complained to him as he prepared to leave.

Scrawling something on a piece of paper, the skeleton handed it to you and smiled. “Neither will I~,” he said with a small wink. He wished you a pleasant remaining shift as he left, and part of you was sorry to see him go. As the next person began to unload their cart, you snuck a peek at what he had given you:

“I won’t condom catching a cup of coffee with you. Free modelling services included. Papyrus (555) 555 – 1245”

…. Well that smooth son of a bitch.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like what I do, leave me a kudos and comment here, take a look at my other works, and consider buying me a Ko-Fi to support me


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